First I want to thank you all for continuing to visit my little slice of the web even though it has been weeks since my last post. It has been encouraging to see the page views go up even though not much has been invested on my end lately. I am truly blessed by my faithful readers.
Anthony and I miscarried our baby almost two weeks ago. We were 15 weeks along and I started having complications. We went to the hospital where they confirmed with a sonogram that although there was a developing baby, there was no heartbeat.
This has been the hardest thing we have ever had to go through. There is so much temptation to blame myself and dwell on the negative side of all of this. However, we have decided to acknowledge The Truth and move forward. God loves us and is always good. We know that He never creates life to destroy it and it was not His will for this precious child to die. We live in a fallen world where bad things happen that sometimes cannot be explained... and we have accepted that. We are incredibly thankful that our child will never be affected by the cares of this world and that it is being very well taken care of by our loving Father. Although we will miss seeing it grow and fulfill God's purpose, we have peace knowing that we will see it, hold its hand and hear it laugh one day. Satan may think he won, but he hasn't. Love always wins. God turns ALL things together for good (Romans 8:28).
At times, the grief overtakes me. But I was encouraged this week by a pastor that said, "You cannot avoid grief but you can avoid the destruction that grief can cause." I have Joshua to focus on and he certainly keeps me distracted. It would be a shame to allow the grief to determine all my thoughts and actions. He needs me to be a good Mommy and I cannot do that if I constantly focus on the negative. It is OK to cry sometimes and grieve but I refuse to allow it to control my life. God is teaching me so much about His Love right now and I am thankful. I need this revelation if I want to truly experience Him in this life.
I will try to post some pictures of Joshua, our patio and garden soon. Both have taken a back burner to morning sickness and everything else the past few weeks so we spent some time catching up this weekend. And by catching up I mean composting the dead flowers and mowing the weed plot that used to be our garden. There is still some hope remaining for a few of the plants but I will go over all that in my next post.
Again - Thank you all for your faithful support and patience with me as we go through this time in our lives. You encourage me more than you will ever know.